That is my truth, right there

It’s so easy to say if you think about it. how did I reach 30 years on Earth? How did my hours go? I am perplexed, amazed, confused, and grateful for everything. I knew I couldn’t do it. I always belittle myself and thought that everyone is better than me. Or sometimes I’m too proud and think that they are so naïve. Thinking of the three decades would make me throw up on the mistakes I have done. Of the failures I had and the disappointments I experienced. Becoming a woman isn’t easy, now it’s a cliché but who cares that is my truth. I went to school for more than half of my life and worked for only six years. All my life I have been busting myself out to prove that I can, that I am enough, that I can conquer but still I end up on the same station. I feel like I’m stuck and I couldn’t go any further. Am I lost? I don’t know. I’m drowning with all my dreams and desires I can’t swim to the shore or even get fresh air.

My life? It’s funny now that I think of it. I have been taking it for granted and have stayed in my comfort zone for the longest time that I knew I lived. I can’t deal with rejection, so I continue on my journey to an easy life. I can’t accept defeat that is why I didn’t grow. I sabotage myself whenever there is an opportunity because I’m scared and have too many what-ifs. I hate that I’m admitting I always choose the easy way. That is me and I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want change, that scares me a lot. I am too used to my routine and can’t just sacrifice my comfort.

I'm still processing my life. I'll be 31 in the next 20 minutes and I can't wait to turn my life around.